i cannot help but say fuck okay.
fuck fuck fuck.
i am very very very pissed right now.
my bloody phone is freaking screwed up.
it has ten thousnds of problem.
THE WORST THING IS,
all i the damn music files are gone.
SCREW NOKIA.

-the battery has spoiled
-the memory card has some problem.
( memory card not formated; what the hell. what crap )
-it takes a damn long time to start up the phone
plus all the other stuffs.
and the phone is damn lag.

i always thought nokia was good.
like wth?
motorola is crap (my sister's phone),
now it seems nokia has some problem too.
DAMN NOKIA.
SCREWED UP.

i am so tired.
it's amazing how i managed to stay awake in tuition.
there's literature exam tomorrow.
am i dead or what?


i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i ams sick of stufying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying i am sick of studying. but the problem is,
i still have to.

YAY.
now my blogskin is so nice (:
you know i love colourful things,
so this just rocks!
BLAHHHS.
BAMMMM. WHEEE!
im so happy.

but wait....
im supposed to be studying now.
):

BYEBYE.

It feels so different being here,
I was so used to be next to you,
Life for me is not the same,
There's no one to turn to.
I don't know why I let it go too far,
Starting over - it's so hard.
Seems like everywhere I try to go,
I keep thinking of you.


school's just depressing these few days.
i dont know why i just feel like that.
i feel like leaving.
but i know i'll never be able to do that.

why does it keep raining?
the sky's super dark now.
i really wish exams were over.
urgh.
i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it.


stop throwing a bitch fit and get a life.

chinese exam today was okay.
except for the i-knew-i'll-screw-up compo.
well, i did lah. blahhh.
went to PLmacs with julene and varshaa (:
yes and i ate my mcflurry!
why isnt it you anymore?

julene bought water babies for her sister.
at popular. and she owes me $2.80!
HAHA.
the carebear book was so cute
the sounds were pretty weird.
I WANT THAT SAD BOOK!
it's so sweet. :D
it's about someone being sad and how you can deal with it.
it's for children, but who cares.
something like, if you're sad you might want a hug from someone special.
and more more more.
im gonna get that.
maybe there are other emotions too!
varsha found it (:

THANKS BOONHUI.
you're really a very nice person.
i didnt see the cheer up post on your blog,
until just now :D
you rock okay!
I LOVE BOONHUI.
and thank you to those standing by me.
and those who are always there.

CHINESE EXAM TOMORROW ):
zuowen is so crappy.
nevermind, let's get it over and done with.

julene is some desperate sicko bian tai.

i just hate those feeling when you're all alone.
everyone else are in groups chatting away.
crying on the inside, afraid to show it.
holding back tears aint every nice.
couldnt stand it much longer,
lucky my friends were there for me.
but it couldnt help much,
for the fact that everything was ruined.
i hate that letter.

SINGYI!
please dont get emo
):

you know i dont wanna give up.
but you're just making me do so.
now i dont know what to do.

chinese exam!
AHHHHH.
how?
i hate zuowen.
):

hi.







for a moment it was here.
and now,
it's gone.
i dont want this game of hide-and-seek.

history is repeating itself.
again.

HI DEBORAH.
are you happy? this post is dedicated to you
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
i may have changed.
but do you even know who am i talking about?
if you dont. how'd you know i changed more than them?
you said i shouldnt anyhow talk about people changing.
who are you to decide what i talk about?
and you think i've changed, like whatever?
you asked me have i ever wondered i changed ALOT MORE than people?
well, have you wondered if you changed too?
you stop coming to find fault with me just because you think i've changed.
how ridiculous.
ever since the fight, you always say i CHANGED.
im here to tell you,
WHATEVER OKAY?
i may have changed, yah.
but you dont need to think that it's always my fault.

if you think i've changed because YOU THINK im trying to bring up every small thing. well, you are wrong. i told you i wasnt right? apparently you still dont think so and you still think im petty and bringing up everything small little thing.

so you dont come and tell me that i changed alot more than other people because you dont even know who they are. and im not having moodswings now. in fact, i am happy. i just think you shouldnt comment anyhow and that you should change your thinking of me always trying to blow up everything.

THANK YOU.
im not trying to bring up a fight.

why am i feeling so jealous.
why do i feel different things when im around her.
why do i feel that way at times.
she's nice to be with.
but it's just so weird.
i'll try and keep my distance.

-----------------------------
i want to see through people.
and wonder what they're thinking.
sometimes, you're just so acting so differently.
i want to know how you really feel.
has quarelling ended?
is it still in your mind?


-----------------------------------
why is it that you're acting so weirdly now?
i think you really changed your opinion of me.
you still treat her the same, but not to me anymore.
whenever she asked me to look for you,
i'll be, " er, okay...."
we dont have fun as much anymore.



btw, they are all different people.
but why, why do people change so much?

just to tell everyone.
the previous post of julene was just for revenge.
we had a fair competition.
dont tell me she'll get into trouble or whatever.
cos she knew what i was doing.
so dont ramble on anyhow.
dont tag me as though im in the wrong.
and for goodness sake,
im not sinyi.

yes!
english exam has passed.
whoot!
went with boonhui and deborah to payar lebar.
we had a pretty nice conversation.
(:

stories are lingering everywhere.
heard so many versions.
and some people just dont seem like what they are anymore
it's like never ending.

i'm going crazy.
i just finished my science worksheets.
im here blogging! i need a break.
i shall get back very soon.

exams are 2 days away.
it's very dreadful.
i dont want to remember,
but i CANT CANT CANT
that sucks.

okkay, my dad just told me to do my work.
I JUST DID. urgggggggggggghhhh.
i'm getting mad mad mad and MADDER.
relax relax, i cannot get angry.
okay fine.

i need things to cheer me up.
so i can study better.
im gonna print rainbows.
and all happy things.

i love cedar because it has the mugging spirit in the air.
it makes me wanna do well and study like crap.
but i hate cedar because there's so much competition.
everyone's studying so hard, having so much brains.
well, it just make me feel im not studying enough.
and everyone's much better.
i must put in more effort.
but the better ones are putting in so much effort,
that it's so difficult to be on pile with them.
yes, work harder.
at this rate, im gonna die

BYEBYE.
i need to study, right?
tell me about it.

WHATEVER.
i told you already.
you know i did.
i dont care.

HELLO EVERYONE [:
i cant believe EOYs are in 2 days time.

ATTENTION EVERYONE.
for your information, deborah likes mrjon.
not me okay. she is so damn bian tai.
but you all know deborah always talk crap right?
RIGHT.


WHERE'S MY SPECIAL HUMAN TREE?

i dont need the court.
i dont need the green ball.
i dont need the racket.

i need a human tree.

hello!
so the nightmare has started.
the dreadful word called school.
so its back to waking up early and being a zombie in school. that's practically what i was in school today. but nice miss wee let us have a break after MT lesson (: mrs RW let us try a sweet and it was..horrible-tasting. but i was nice enough to finish it :D i didnt really get the movie she was showing us today. couldnt even hear what the people were saying. oh well.

EOYs coming. noooo!
:( :( :( :(
it is just so depressing.

i gotta go.
TO DO HOMEWORK.
sigh

sigh.
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!
SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!


I think i'm going crazy.
there's school tomorrow.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):
not that i dont like the class or anything,
I just dont feel like going to school.
staying at home and
waking up later than the normal time is perfectly fine for me.
I hate the damn exams.

I'm sick of mugging.
i dont wanna mug anymore ):

yesyes, everything's over :D
anyway, we dont need kaypo people interfering.
THANKS.



so, can you believe it?
holidays are going to be over.
but this holiday isnt a holiday at all;
maybe except for the part on waking up late (:
EOYs coming! arhhhhhhhhh.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

yushu rocks!
but apparently she likes candia more
):

frankly, even if she wanted us to resolve it all,
i wouldnt have said it right there.
you wanted to save all the unneeded awkwardness,
but for me, i'd rather say everything out.
so things will happen again.
i admit, our thinking are really different.
well, i wouldnt really say,
that fighting over little stuffs show how fragile our friendship is.
everyone would have a time when there they have a fight.
i think that our friendship IS strong.
i dont know why i think that way.
maybe it's because we always like each other's company.
we always have so much fun together, we tell each other stuffs,
that we dont tell any other people.

i talk to the person sitting beside you,
but i can see you out of the corner of my eye.
we just dont acknowledge each other, we dont even look at each other.
just walking off, without even a simple eye contact.
we were sitting so close during reccess, not even a table apart.
only that small space between the tables were seperating us.
yet, we pretend that we are invisible.
i dont know if it was that obvious, but i guess it was.
sitting so close but not even talkng to each other?
we werent like that the last time.
usually, even though you were at the another side of the canteen,
somehow we would always find each other.
now when i pass by your class, i dont even look into it anymore.
just walking pass, feigning ignorance.
why must things turn out this way?
why cant things remain happy, like it was?
the swings... yeah, it was the only place where only we both went
although it was only one time, it still remains in my mind.

yes, i dont know if it will ever return to the way it was.
it's been too long.
i dont want things to remain the same.
because i just cant take it.

i used to walk pass your class, looking out for only you.
always waiting for each other, time wasnt a factor.
there were many good memories, but to me,
bad memories werent as much.
listing out all the good memories; it's countless.
to me, bad memories are mostly gone. we dont want to remember them
yes, the old times, where are they?
that period of time, when only both of us knew what was going on.
she was still in the dark, knowing nothing about those stuffs
the times we complained about her, the times we vandalised her stuffs.
the times we thought of the same thing, when she said she was emo.
who is ___ ? i really want to know.
does that question show that i still care about you?
deep down in my heart, i know the answer is yes.
both online, but saying nothing to each other.
just a click of the mouse and a few words, everything could be solved.
so near yet so far. what is it that is stopping us from doing so?
is it our pride? or is it just a plain natural reaction?
or is it the courage that we're lacking?
you know something? if you all think im going overboard,
i really would rather you to say it out.
look, i think its just the different ways of thinking that is coming between us.
for me, i'd rather everything to be laid out;
letting each other know how we feel, understanding each other.
knowing that you dislike something i did, you keep it inside you.
i wont know what i did.

for you, you keep it in yourself and you get unhappy.
but i dont know what i did.
i want things to be settled, so that history wont repeat itself.
i tell you things im unahppy about but you dont tell me yours.
whenever i tell you, you just think that i am spoilt.
thinking that im trying to blow up every small matter.
but i wanted you to voice it out, telling me about it.
i wont get angry, but i dont know why you do.
get it right, i wont care about what other people say.
i may sound mean, but i dont give a damn.
they say they know the whole story.but i dont think that's a least bit true.
how long have they known me?
are we as good friends as we are?
do they question me on how i feel?
it's like looking at the surface of the water.
but do they really know what's inside?
how would they feel if they were me?

i just dont understand.
why do you think always think im trying to blow things up?
im really not.
do you think i want out friendship to end?
do you think im trying to pick a fight?
all i wanted was to build stronger bonds,
by trying to stop everything that we all dont like.
telling you about the things that i dont like,
probably taking up 5 minutes.
but once known, things get better for life.
we wont be unhappy with each other so often.
so what do you think? you want 5 minutes of a lifetime?
well, i'd rather a lifetime.
i dont know how'd you think.
you may not even agree with me.
i dont understand, i really dont.

we're like sitting opposite each other.
with a glass wall between us.
having so much to say, but not being able to hear anything.
all these results in conflict, just not hearing out each other.

I DONT UNDERSTAND, I REALLY DONT.
why must things turn out this way.
is ruining this relationship worth it?
just because we dont communicate as well?

im telling you this.
you may have found someone else to replace me,
but i havent found anyone like you.
i dont think anyone will replace whatever we did together,
because it just isnt the same anymore.

the times when we were the best of friends.
the long talks on the phone,
i'll never forget.
the continuous laughter,
bringing us close than ever.
now, everything has changed
we hardly even talk to each other,
not even acknowledging each other.
it is just so different and
i dont want things to turn out this way.
Im here still pretending not to care,
pretending i dont notice you're ever there.
it just scares me that things will not change,
back to the way it was.
im here to tell you,
im not ready to give it up just yet.

the september holidays are here.
means we'll drift further and further.
without even being able to see each other in school.
we already havent spoken to each other for 4 days.
now that holiays are here, things may just get more awkward.
get me out of this confusing world

people tell you to go easy on me and work it out.
i admit i did have times when im depressed.
but why do people always think that it's always me?
ALWAYS? have they ever put themselves in my shoes?
do they even know my side of the story and know how i feel?
if we make up now, we may minimise the times it happen.
if you and her dont go overboard.
im not trying to say im right.
i did not use you guys as a punching bag.
i really didnt. im not so simple just to take it out on you all when im angry or anything. i said it before, i just want you to know how i feel with you all doing that. i did tell you nicely. but i dont know why we just cant sit down and talk things out.
i disliked something you do, i did tell you.
if you knew, you could promise to not do it again.
and things will be just settled and everything will be fine.
i told you the same thing before, you apologised. fine.
but now you're doing it again. i told you.
you get angry. why must things turn out this way?
we dont understand each other.
that's exactly why i tell you stuffs that i dislike,
hoping you'll understand. but i dont know why things turned out like that. it does not mean that if you are different, we cannot be good friends.
HARMONY. this word existed to tell us that even thought everyone is different, there still can be peace by understanding each other.
you dont have to change to suite my style.
you all just can change the things that i dont like you all to do to me.
i did not change because i made new friends.
yes, i do treasure the friends i have now, but i dare to say,
i never neglected you all. we go out for lunch every wednesday.
we go out together during the holidays more times.
i always look forword to going out for lunch every wednesday.
i dont create a scene out of everything.
you said something that i dont like you to call me,
i told you and said nothing else.
leave me alone.. all i wanted you to do is just not do the same thing again.

we always patched up after some fight.
yes, we tried and we managed to climb so high. right to the top.
where friendships are so strong.
i dont know why we are slipping over such things.
i dont think it's worth it.
well, i'll tell you.
THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.

the times when we got pissed when she went out out with her friends instead of us.
the times when we chatted on the phone for hours.
the times when we were laughing about what we chatted.
the times when we went to the swing together.
the times when we had mcflurry with more oreo.
the times when we mixed the sauces together.
the times when we sat bus home together.
the times when we wrote letter to each other.
the times when we dislike the same person.
i really miss those times.
no, i dont want things to end up this way.


there are many obstacles in life.
everyone tells us that we will be able to overcome those obstacles.
i hope to overcome this obstacle in my life, cos it's making me cry.
yes, i want to get it over.
but a part of me tells me that this may not be easy.
i never wanted to end this.
i miss you